Written by Hazel Scott

Energy flow - positive vs negative: Make ‘positive’ your default. A positive focus can boost your mood, your outlook and your day. Top athletes recognize the importance of having the right mental attitude as well as peak physicality. Before a race, they imagine the entire 100m sprint, and envisage themselves powering over the finishing line - because the theory is that energy flows where focus goes. And in the same way, the things we focus on become bigger, or feel more important. But if we focus too much on negative situations, this leaves little room for positivity, and can become overwhelming. Of course, we all have bad days, career slumps, upsetting breakups, or days when nothing seems to go right. Often unplanned, unexpected or beyond our control, it’s important to be able to deal with these situations in a way that puts things into perspective. 

An attitude of gratitude: Gratitude is a form of self care. Understanding and appreciating the good things in our lives helps us move out of negative thought patterns and into more confident, hopeful and positive territory. Studies have shown that if we use our inner willpower to foster an attitude of gratitude and strengthen our positive recall, we can significantly improve our mental health. In turn, this can reduce feelings of depression by helping us see the bigger picture and we become more resilient towards negative experiences and feelings. This isn’t intended to diminish the challenges or struggles we all face in life - because no-one has a great day every day - but to magnify all that is good, put things in perspective and ensure we are ‘armed’ psychologically to process such events. 

What can you do? If you struggle to focus on positives (big or small) and want to start seeing and creating more positivity in your life, here’s how you can rewire your brain for less stress and more joy, and along the way boost your mental health and nurture more positive relationships.

1. Journaling. A gratitude journal is a simple way to log the good things in your life. It’s easy to do and if you’re new to this, try the 4 x 4 x 4 method. Take four minutes to write down what you’re grateful for four times a week, and stick to it for four consecutive weeks. And then just keep going!  The more you think about gratitudes, and write them down, the more you’ll notice the little wins in your life. Journaling should never feel like a chore but consistency is key with practicing gratitude and shifting to a more positive mindframe. It’s worth doing this using a pen and paper - treat yourself to a gorgeous notebook and enjoy sitting and writing, and flicking through previous entries as you count your blessings and recall previous positive experiences.

2. Finding time for gratitude or self affirmation. Happiness is internal and it needs to be worked on every day. Some people are just predisposed to more positive thoughts and for them, the gratitudes come more easily; for others it’s a skill to learn, through practice - so make time every day to cultivate these positive affirmations until they become routine and habit.  An excellent time is while indulging in a little bit of self care, having a relaxing bath or taking a few moments while you’re doing your skincare in the morning. Whether it’s a couple of minutes in the mirror, appreciating that you have a healthy body, healthy mind and healthy skin or affirming “I am confident, I believe in myself, I am safe, I am kind” find something different each day if you can, to build your positive picture. Ideally, aim for 10 minutes morning and night, and a longer more focussed (30 minute) session at weekends. Capture the highlights in your journal.

By practicing gratitude and affirmations about yourself, you increase your feelings of self-worth. Long term, the repetition of these positive thoughts and phrases that you think and write down in your journal, start to shift how you think and feel about yourself. This approach also enables you to put things into perspective. For example, if you didn’t get the promotion you wanted - now you’ll still know your worth and feel confident in your abilities - and maybe it opens another door to learn a new skill set and work with a more appreciative team? You don’t need to keep looking at that closed door.

3. Being thankful for the smaller things. Every day should bring moments of contentment. If you can get into the habit of focusing on the positive - even if you’re having a terrible day - you’ll discover that there is always something to be grateful for. And sometimes a great cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger or the lights being on green at a difficult junction can help you be in that moment, and feel joy at what you’re experiencing. Then when you look at the bigger picture, it’s much easier to let go of unrealistic expectations and burdens, and plan ways to reach your goals in a more positive way. 

4. Looking for things beyond your norm.  Although you can count your blessings for some of the more consistent things in your life (your mom, dog, good health, or the view from your window), and log them in your journal, this may start to feel a little repetitive over time. So actively look for new things to be grateful for each day - this forces us to reflect on our lives regularly and not take our day-to-day lives for granted. When you write down the same things each day, it becomes an exercise in writing, rather than thinking, and reduces the emotional connection you have with those gratitudes a little. By all means have some ‘regulars’ in there, but if you can expand on them you’ll experience greater feelings of appreciation, and that’s when the magic happens. This expansion exercise helps to rewire your brain - and trains it to recognise more of the positives you have in your life. If you’re struggling to find four each day, try these as a checklist:

• An opportunity you have ahead of you today (so this one is likely to be a different one each day you think about it)
• Something nice that you experienced yesterday (again, this will be something different each day)
• Something simple near you (a favorite object in your room, some flowers you treated yourself to, a birds nest outside your window, or maybe a family photo)
• An old relationship that helped a lot (this also helps you see how much you’ve grown)

5. Using mindful language and sharing your gratitude with (and of) others. Gratitude is not a solo path to tread. It’s good to share your appreciation! When you take time to acknowledge small acts of kindness from others and let them know that you appreciate their kindness, you make them feel seen and valued for the things they do for us. This could also be expressed through your own small acts of kindness, picking something up from the grocery store for a friend while you’re there, surprising your mom with flowers or even just a phone call to say hi and check in on a loved one. Always make time to perform little actions to show people you’re grateful to have them in your life. 

Happiness is not the destination - it should be the day-to-day journey. But by appreciating what you have and what others do for you, you’ll find you have a more positive outlook on life, and you might just make their day too.